The spoof news website The Daily Mash ran a story about the return of Game of Thrones recently, joking that the HBO fantasy series' season 4 opener would be an entire hour of characters introducing themselves to camera.
It's not the first time that the size and scope of Game of Thrones has been leveled against it. From George RR Martin's hefty breeze block sized books to the ever-expanding list of characters, subplots and people on never-ending journeys across the desert, brevity certainly isn't one of its strongest suits.
Similarly, showrunners David Benioff and Dan Weiss have almost become victims of their own success in regards to their ability to turn the dozens of characters in the books, no matter how small a role they play, into people we either love or love to hate. The result: It is practically impossible to please everyone with an episode.
There's always going to one fan in the corner of the internet who wants more Tyrion, more Daenerys, or more Hodor. Let's face it, we all want more Hodor. HODOR!
On top of that, the show is now bigger than ever. Heading into season 4, the fantasy TV series is reaching the same fervent levels of fan obsession as the books. BAFTA wins, that Red Wedding incident and a steady accumulation of viewers who have caught it through box sets and on demand have turned the show into a true pop culture phenomenon with a seemingly never-ending spiral of spoofs, fan videos and Tumblr artwork.
This means that there's more pressure than ever before for the show to pull off the tricky balancing act of telling an epic tale - or more accurately, about 17 different epic tales - and compressing it down to a 10-episode TV run.
When considering all of this, it makes the stonking start to season 4 with 'Two Swords' even more impressive. Even as a stand-alone episode, it is one of the very best slices of Game of Thrones to date. Throw in the fact that we've been waiting for a year and we want answers, we want action and we want Red Wedding payback, and you begin to realise what a feat Benioff and Weiss have pulled off.
So what can we say about 'Two Swords'? More importantly, what do you want to hear? We don't want a sword in our necks for spoilers.
The first thing that it's safe to say is that everyone you want to be in episode 1 is in episode 1. Joffrey, Tyrion, Daenerys, Jaime, Ygritte, Jon, Brienne, Tywin, Cersei and more. Yet, despite this, it never feels congested or short on action.
The fallout from the Red Wedding isn't just that the show has been brought into the mainstream, it's also been given a fresh direction and edge. If the programme was occasionally guilty of drifting and only very loosely tying together the competing storylines in the first couple of seasons, it now feels like it has jagged back into line.
Revenge is the word on everyone's lips and the deaths at the end of season 3 have provided a common thread for all the characters, with the possible exception of Daenerys. And Daenerys has dragons - massive dragons - so that doesn't really matter.
The return of Jaime to King's Landing is at the centre of the episode and the new dynamics between the Lannisters. With only one hand, Jaime's not necessarily the Lannister top dog anymore, but he's got a cracking panto baddie haircut and some of his old swagger back, so he's not going to shrink into the background either.
In fact all the scenes between Tywin, Tyrion, Jaime and Joffrey, which are essentially sword-measuring contests and a battle to see who can spit out the most snarky one-liners, are a real highlight.
But it's not all about the old guard and familiar faces. We're also introduced to Pedro Pascal's Oberyn Martell, aka the Red Viper. Some fans expressed doubts about whether Pascal was the right man for the part, but any fears about his suitability quickly evaporate as he saunters into King's Landing.
Part cocksure pornstar, part bad-ass swordsman and part strutting dude, he's your new favourite character.
Meanwhile, anyone thinking they'd have a nine-episode gap before we were delivered anything as grim and bloody as a pregnant lady getting stabbed in the belly, you couldn't be much more wrong. No spoilers, obviously, but brace yourselves for blood. Sharp objects. And lots of blood.
And by the way, we've also seen episode 2. Wow.
It makes the Red Wedding episode look like Countryfile. You truly haven't seen anything yet...
Game of Thrones season 4 starts on Sunday, April 6 on HBO and Sky Atlantic.
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